It all started with a cancer diagnosis, a need to calm my mind and a love of colour.
How it all began…
I had an art teacher in year 7 who ridiculed me in front of the whole class for a drawing I had created that I was really proud of. The memory of that moment is etched in my mind and I still cringe. It left me feeling like I had no place expressing my creativity and I adhered to that narrative for many years. I now know that I had an ‘art wound’ or ‘creativity scar’. Brene Brown talks about creativity scars in her book Daring Greatly and when I read this it made perfect sense why I felt such shame. I carried that shame and self doubt for YEARS!
Fast forward about 37 years and I was sitting on my deck in the beautiful tropical city of Darwin in the Northern Territory of Australia in 2015. There was a gentle tropical breeze blowing through my garden and the giant bamboo was swaying. Sitting there that day, it looked like everything was the same as always, but everything had changed in my world. On the outside, the breeze was still blowing, the sun was still shining, the afternoon storms still rolled in off the ocean…all as it should be. On the inside, there was nothing I recognised…I was lost, fatigued, emotionally struggling and searching for a way to quiet my overloaded mind. I had recently been diagnosed with cancer at the age of 50 and life looked bleak.
It was in that moment that I decided to do something creative as a way of quieting my racing thoughts by practicing mindfulness and just being in the moment. I bought some colouring pencils and an adult colouring book. I was set! And so started an enriching journey that has changed my life.
There was only one problem…that colouring book had lines and I simply cannot colour within the lines. It’s been the story of my life. I am by nature very curious and that leads me to be a risk-taker and a rule breaker. I don’t think in that moment I understood the blessings of these traits to my creative process.
But…here’s the magic
The most important lesson I have learned is that no-one starts being creative and being good at it right away. It takes time and it takes lots and lots of practice and trial and error before we are happy with what we have created. It’s a learning curve and it’s easy to get frustrated, feel defeated and arrive at the conclusion that ‘I’m not good enough’. But here is the magic…the gift is in the process not the product. The process is where we learn the ‘how’ and it’s where we try, make a muddy mess, try something different, learn from that trying and improve. It sounds simple but for an impatient person like me, this lesson was excruciating.
My early attempts at art were not what I wanted them to be. My ‘owl’ was probably the first thing I painted. If I’m super critical, the beak is just wrong and the leg is facing the wrong way. BUT, the colours are beautiful and it gives a glimpse into my love of colour. This little piece speaks to me of a new direction and he speaks to me of hope and that’s why I love him still.
Pretty soon, the little sayings came out as I started using pens and watercolour. These inspirational quotes kept me in the process and also gave me encouragement when I was unwell. I still have many of these around my studio and my workmates from that time have lots of them too!
Fast forward to today
In 2023 I retired early. What a privilege it was to be able to say goodbye to a wonderful chapter of my life without regret, change direction, do what I love and share it with the world! I feel grateful every day. I now have an amazing studio that is such a lovely creative space and that’s where you’ll find me most days.
If you’ve reached this far reading this, thanks for hearing my story. I look forward to sharing my art and musing about what creativity, curiosity and perseverance has taught me at this stage of my life.
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